In a restaurant, a disgusted customer says: Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? The waiter, after taking a close look says: It looks to me like the breaststroke, Sir

Seen on a bumper sticker: IF CLINTON IS THE ANSWER, THEN IT MUST BE A STUPID QUESTION. Seen on another bumper sticker: CLINTON HAPPENS

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor. Doctor: You should diet. Trish: Really? What color?

Whats the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitute will stop screwin' you once you are dead!

"Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal sex?" "Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from!"

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.

When the AirForce 1 prepares to land, the Captain speaks over the intercom: "The seatbelt sign is on Mr. President, would you please put the stewardess in the upright position."

What is the difference between your job and your wife? After 20 years your job still sucks.

What do you call a gay Jewish person? A He-Blew!

There are only 10 types of people in the world - Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

I asked a Jew who he was going to vote for as president. He said, "Well, the last time Jews listened to a bush, they wandered in the desert for 40 years."  

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

In 1995 Irish Times has published an article claiming that Disneyland executives were negotiating with the Russian government about purchasing Lenin's body.  

In 1986 French newspaper Le Parisien has shocked its readers. It stated that the famous Eiffel tower was on the verge of being dismantled.   

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth. Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

What is the difference between a tire and 365 condoms? One is a good year and the other is a great year.

"WOMEN SEEKING MEN" Classifieds translations Self-employed means: Jobless Smart means: Insipid Special means: Rode the small schoolbus with tinted windows

What has 148 teeth and can hold back the incredible hulk?My zipper!